It’s a numbers game

A single rejection letter in the post today. Well… I say letter; compliment slip really.

Johnson & Alcock were the ones slamming the door in my face this time. It’s like going door-to-door again, only with more sitting behind my desk with a cup of tea and quite a lot less fleeing from angry homeowners.

I’m lying. That never happened. Well, almost never.

My little YouTube buddy was here over the weekend, and some work even got done when we weren’t laughing or breathing in spirits.

It is now official… I WILL be moving house again in the next 2 months. This might mean a brief interruption in the blog and the videos, but I have made promises and I won’t disappear into a cocoon for 2 years this time.

Boring updates today, but updates all the same.


Rejoice in rejection.

2 rejections today. One from Conville & Walsh, and one from Greene & Heaton.

I was quite excited about the one from C&W; it assured me that they read my  manuscript with interest, but they did not feel my novel was suitable for their list. That’s encouraging, I thought. Then I realised it was a form rejection, and most likely (since it had a CARDIFF postmark), had never even seen the inside of their office.

The G&H one was by email. So, I have been stripped of my virginity like a …INSERT DISTURBING IMAGERY… in all ways now – First novel rejection, first form rejection, first email rejection. It’s all part of the difficult road toward becoming a failed novelist who turns to drink, alienates his children, and finally dies, alone and penniless, on the floor of a public toilet.

The Vlog is finally up on the YouTube channel: it took much longer than it should have, but things are rolling now.

My partner in crime arrives tomorrow, to help record more video content, so I’m off to tweet and then return to my animation frustration.

Nothing to see here… or there.

Hello fans! (though after 37 years I think it would be easier if I just called you Mum?)

Since we last met, I have found; signed up to; and fallen out with, a webhost. I have (on the advice of my little brother) purchased the domain at least. It exists now, only as part of a neural interactive simulation, which we call The Matr… sorry, I went off on one there. Ahem… It exists only in domain-parking-page form for now. I’ll post the link in the menu, but there ‘ent nowt t’see.

No further replies from literary agents as yet. I’m taking this as a good sign, although all it really means is that, when the rejections come, they won’t say: “Unfortunately, we do not represent fantasy fiction”, they’ll say: “Sorry, we do not represent authors of such utter dross.”

Aww! Look at me; all grown up and optimistic.

I have finally purchased video-editing software, so I can get on with editing the Vlogs… right?

WRONG! Now it becomes apparent that my poky little computer can’t handle editing video footage. Well it can… sort of. There just seems to be a bit of a communication problem. The unfortunate consequence of which is that when I ask it to do something really complicated like, say, splitting a piece of 10 second video IN HALF! It misunderstands, and thinks I’ve just asked it to take all the water in the Pacific Ocean, and put in on the moon, using only a bent teaspoon and a Wilko bath sponge.

On the lighter side of the news: I might have to move house again. That would make it 24 addresses for me.

A rolling stone gathers no moss, but then who wants moss on their stones anyway? Sure, it looks nice in a miniature waterfall, at the side of a garden pond, but underfoot it’s goddamn dangerous!

Ideas above my station? Maybe.

So, I’m finally here. I’m three days late, but I’m happy to tell you that procrastination (at least on this occasion) was not the culprit… Lack of focus was.

Having posted queries to several literary agents on Monday morning; for round one of “Dear Mr Moors, your manuscript sucks.” I thought it would be a good idea to set up a blog, find a web host, build a website, record, edit and upload a Vlog, Learn to animate, and become fluent in CGI… all by the end of the day.

When I realised that “World dominion by Tuesday morning” was probably an unrealistic target, I decided to break the process into smaller steps, beginning with recording the Vlog and uploading it. So, on Monday afternoon I recorded the first video for YouTube in 2 years. It promised all sorts of wonderful things (which was precisely the point, of course) within the next 12-24 months, and I was ready to upload it when I made the mistake of watching it… Oh dear.

What I needed was some sort of magical instruction; a rule book of what needed to be said; some sort of… what’s the word? SCRIPT!

On Tuesday morning I began again, and it worked well! Time to upload it. Oh, wait, it needs editing. No problem. I’ll just… Oh… Windows LIVE moviemaker is shit! Whatever happened to good old movie-maker? Never mind, I’ll simply download a free trial of Adobe Premiere and deal with the whole “finding a more permanent solution” business, sometime before the 60 day trial runs out… Right? WRONG! Adobe no longer allow you to export edited video with trial software.

Anyway… after another day of this I decided to set up the blog first (not least because I then realised I had mentioned it in the Vlog, so it would be nice if it were actually there, when people clicked the link). Time to start configuring WordPress… POWER CUT… 3 Hours.

When it comes to taking over the universe, you really can’t phone it in.

So, since I failed to begin this blog after mailing the queries, I figured I would begin it when the first rejection arrived. That happened this morning…

And, here we are. The first rejection was from Peters, Fraser and Dunlop.