It never rains… but it snows!

In a rather surreal turn of events, I’m writing this post from Stockholm, on the computer of my lovely Swedish Flowerpot; who is sitting behind me on the bed, studying for a test. Utterly bizarre when I think about how we met in the first place. But, I have been here almost a week now and the hour draws near when I shall return to England, and to reality, where I shall continue the good work of re-homing helpless, unemployed teenagers who have been crippled by waterfowl.

No… of course not. I have absolutely no knowledge of any adolescents being viciously attacked by Ducks, Swans, or any kind of winged beast. In fact, if I manage to drag my pitiful behind back to Lincoln without kicking small feathery creatures, simply for their ability to fly away whenever the mood takes them, it will be nothing short of a miracle.

It has been a glorious 11 days. No-one died during the Amki/SK Crew meet-up, although Richard is, this very day, in hospital, recovering from surgery to have his broken arm pinned and plated… but I swear that had nothing to do with me. As a matter of fact, I wasn’t even in the same country when it happened. Still, I’m sure you’ll join me in wishing him a swift recovery. My sister-in-law also had a fairly nasty accident, but is thankfully now safe and well. Amongst other weird happenings was missing electricity (don’t ask), an elevator with a mind of its own, 2 strikes which never happened, and a bizarre Hitchcock-like moment, involving all the pigeons in the world!

As regular readers will know, I flew back to Sweden with Amki, following her visit to England last week, and it has been good to be back in Stockholm. On Thursday, I watched Amki made-up by her very talented sister, Anna; studying to be a professional make-up artist (Another surreal coincidence, considering I discovered Amki as direct result of this post on her blog). It’s always impressive to watch a professional at work and Anna is no exception, as you can see…

Amki gets the treatment from her sister, Anna.


On Friday night we enjoyed a whisky tasting, where we got a few strange looks as Amki whispered in my ear throughout the whole presentation. Fortunately most of the other guests realised by the end of the evening that she had in fact been translating for me, since my Swedish is not yet nearly good enough to follow more than the odd sentence or two. At any rate they got their revenge at dinner, where I was sandwiched between two large Swedish ladies who were very obviously enjoying their food rather more than is perhaps necessary to express in a family establishment; and orgasmic “yummy-noises” in stereo can detract somewhat from your own enjoyment of a meal. Still… it provided Amki with some amusement from the other side of the table, and if I can’t provide amusement then I really have outlived my usefulness, so we are thankful for small mercies.

On our return from the restaurant, the weather finally caught up with me again and we were treated to an April snow-shower in Stockholm. I’m not usually one to complain About the weather but it does rather seem just lately, as though the weather is determined to bring glorious sunshine to whichever country we are not in at the time. But Stockholm was good to us for an hour or so during my visit.

Stockholm lets the sun through the clouds... just in time for it to go down!

So now… I await the plane home, like a man going to his death! Let it never be said that I don’t know how to round off a good holiday.

I apologise if this has been rather more like a diary than my usual entries. No moral-of-the-story, no life lessons, no revelations or reflections. I haven’t really had the time to reflect on any misfortunes or mistakes this past week or so, because there haven’t really been any…

And perhaps, if there is to be a point, it is precisely that: I have had far too much time to consider things lately and procrastination has set in, like mould on a bowl of fruit that you are almost definitely going to eat at some point, because you bought it to be responsible and health conscious. I have far too many ideas and brilliant, exciting schemes to ever actually do any of them. My writing needs a much tighter focus… the channel needs to be streamlined. Nothing is happening, because our ideas bank is full to the brim, but it’s standing in the way of action. It isn’t going at all in the direction I intended, and things need to change.

I write this here so that the world can see it, and nag me when I inevitably fail to do any of the things I have just promised myself. Keep an eye on this blog, my writing career, and my lifeless channel. If nothing has changed in the next 6 months, you have complete freedom to stand around in a circle and kick self-help links in my face.

For now… Take care of yourselves, and don’t bend over for the soap.

I’m going now.


2 comments on “It never rains… but it snows!

  1. You didn’t mention kicking any birds on your way back home. I sincerely hope this didn’t happen. You should kick yappy dogs instead. The universe would be grateful.

    All the pigeons in the world were very scary. Next time we do something like that we must bring the safety goggles.

    And I think maybe we might be up there with Rob McKenna. Maybe.


  2. They were stealth pigeons after all. I didn’t see where the hell they all came from… did you?

    I didn’t actually kick any birds on my way home… or any yappy dogs.

    And, Rob McKenna? I don’t think we’re quite that bad. We have had one or two days where the sun has peeked through the clouds for a few minutes. I don’t think it rained the day you arrived… did it?


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