Loss of Signal

Today I would like to give you a message of hope and optimism for the New Year. I would like to… but in all honesty, I feel lower than I have done for a couple of months. I have never had quite as much trouble writing a blog post. I have tried everything to avoid it, but there is apparently a limit to the amount of time you can spend updating your address with TESCO clubcard.

There are a couple of reasons for this recent bout of lethargy; the most obvious of which being…


The tinsel is down, you’ve cleaned the vomit out of the carpet and finally started thinking about recycling the wine bottles and beer cans that have been cluttering up the shower… the only thing that stands between you and 2012 is this pesky, bothersome month; so dreary that even the weather can’t be bothered to do anything interesting. It could rain fireballs or seagull anuses for all I care! At least that would be something, but no! The sky just hangs there, going “Give me a break man! 2011 just really took it out of me.” Admittedly, this year I have more reasons than usual to see this miserable month out of the way, but that’s just making it drag all the more. If you have to give the first month of the year a name, then let’s make it something more descriptive, like I-wish-I-was-anywhere-else-at-any-time-in-history-but-here-please-please-Sam-Beckett-make-the-next-leap-the-leap-out-of-here…uary.

Ordinarily, I have my muse to get me through these little hiccups; which brings me to this…


…or, in this case, lack of it.

The last century has brought us closer to people in so many ways. We can talk to people on the other side of the world with such ease nowadays. Phone, text, email, facebook, messenger, Skype… All make it possible to maintain contact, and even romantic relationships, with people too far away to touch, but what happens when the lines go down and the lights go out? I mean, what is the world coming to when the bored Guildford housewife can no longer exchange late-night tales of woe with the cross-dressing minister from Montana? It is surely only a matter of time before the quiet suburbs of Surrey run red with the blood of innocent TKMaxx patrons.

My own situation is far less dramatic than that, and far more likely – if I might so boldly tickle the testicles of fate – to end in happiness rather than mass consumer-cide, but that only makes it more difficult at times when you can’t see one-another.

We take our communication in the 21st century for granted. When it’s cut off, it can feel like losing an arm. Those guys over at Aperture, and Bartok Science Industries really need to get on this. Relationships are going to become ever more complicated until travel is as instantaneous as walking from one room to another.

Anyway… since I can’t appear behind my readers and whisper in their ears, here’s a little song from a company that are working towards that very goal.

Caution: Expect long-distance relationships to end abruptly, following this scenario


3 comments on “Loss of Signal

  1. Funnily enough, I thought of you today, Heather. I came back from town and my flatmate was watching the new A-Team movie. Pity about Liam Neeson, but Sharlto Copley is dependable as always.

    Thanks for the comment.


  2. You would really trust anything made by aperture… and I thought you had at least an iota of common sense. And there is not a lot that has made me smile as instantly as the comment ” if I might so boldly tickle the testicles of fate”. Genius. But on the whole I agree, wake me up when febuary arrives…


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