Remember when life was simpler?
No… neither do I. Perhaps I imagined it.
So, before you ask; I’m on here in the middle of the week because sometimes venting just can’t wait until Sunday.
A couple of weeks ago I quoted my favourite line from Elizabethtown:
“No true fiasco ever began as a quest for mere adequacy.”
Our dear Drew Baylor goes on to say:
“A motto of the British Special Air Force is: ‘Those who risk, win.’ A single green vine shoot is able to grow through cement. The Pacific Northwestern salmon beats itself bloody on its quest to travel hundreds of miles upstream… against the current, with a single purpose, sex of course, but also… life.” Hear his message here.
Now, I have previously warned against taking your inspiration from movies. You have to pick the right moments, and know how to play safely. But if you’re an experienced enough player, you can use the rules of the game against themselves: “…just because something’s trite doesn’t make it any less true.” ~ The Social Network.
DONE! You lose again, reality!
Anyway… the reason the “fiasco” line is so relevant is because, in the last fortnight, it seems to become more and more true of my own life with every single day that passes. I am truly setting myself up for a Drew Baylor style fiasco. I could screw up the next couple of years of my life in spectacular fashion. But it doesn’t matter.
I found out earlier today that I might have just wasted the last 3 months of my life, on a project that was nothing special to begin with. In other words… it certainly would not appear to be worth 3 months of anyone’s time; at least not to a spectator. But my life is full of other things which put the loss in perspective and make it seem completely irrelevant. Firstly, my goddamn sunny optimism seems unwilling to let me wallow in self-pity; I haven’t given up on finding a solution, and if I don’t find one… so what? The sky isn’t going to fall in. Secondly, when weighed against the potential catastrophe of upcoming events, it is but a drop in the ocean.
The weird thing is I don’t really care what happens to the bigger picture either. Happiness is… whatever you decide it is… regardless of where you find it. If you find the one thing you have always wanted, whether that is a small group of dedicated friends and a video camera, or a revolutionary new idea for getting lumpy ingredients into Cannelloni tubes, dedicate yourself to it. If you aren’t prepared to put everything on the line in order to see something succeed, maybe you don’t deserve to play the game in the first place.
We all have potential fiascos in our future. What are you willing to risk?
On the other hand; when you go for a run at dusk, and the sight of an abandoned power station, silhouetted against the sunset, makes you smile… you might want to consider that perhaps your optimism is set just a little too high.
I’m going now.